How can you tell if you're begining to resent the one person in your life that you really should be the most grateful to have? I know life hasn't treated me kindly over the last couple of years, my relationship has put alot of financial strain on me as well as alot of other problems, but I really hoped that I would stay kind & neutral to it all. I really hoped I would. I don't think I can any longer though. Things are so difficult. I've given up on telling him to get a job, coz it just doesn't make a difference. I've even given up on telling him he's got to move out coz I can't afford to keep us both on my one income. Nothing changes. Ever. I've been living this nightmare for two years. To begin with it was difficult but I got used to it & just let everything wash over my head. Emotionally detatching myself from the situation. It got easier to live with after a while because it just became the norm. But now, I am having to considder looking for work to keep us with a roof over our heads. I haven't worked due to ill health for nearly 6 years! So now I can feel that little hint of resentment seaping in through the seams of my being. Creaping its way through the brittle stitching that keeps me in one piece, that holds my skin together, that's stops the fragmentation of my whole self. It's poisening me, turning my blood black & my heart to stone with every cell it invades. I'm begining to go beyond not caring. I'm getting to anti-caring. Where I don't care about things any more but I care enough for it to start hurting me, damaging me & forcing me out of my comfort zone, forcing me to face the reality that, if things don't change, then I will have to change them. I see happy couples all the time, they fill the world with their happiness, smiles & melded forms from two to one. It just makes things harder. It makes me resent my situation even more. I was going to have a family with the man who is the root cause of all of this stress. Only recently did I come to my senses & decide that this was a bad idea right now. Since making that decision everything has changed in my mind about how much I can put up with, about how much longer I can or can't cope with this. I feel foolish now that I ignored my friends advice so many times, I was so infactuated & happy to be in love back then, that them trying to help me made them my enemies for a time. I feel trapped in my life, like I can't move forward, but I don't want to move back. How do you deal with that kind of thing? Do you stick to your guns & keep telling yourself that everything will be ok in the end? Or do you take action & put an end to it all? Does the fact that he owes you two years worth of bills, fuel, food, socialising & freedom influence your decision? Should you keep him til he's paid you back, or cut your losses & hope for the best? I just don't know. I hate myself for thinking this way, but I am young, fairly attractive, & I want to be able to make something of my life other than become a parent. I love my Mum, she's a great role model now, but for years all she ever did was be a mother & a wife. She had no sense of self, she gave up on her own life when she met my Dad. Things are different for her now, she has a life of her own & lifes it, I think, pretty much how she wants to, but for the first 18 years of her marriage she was the obidient little misses. I can't do that. I want more from my life. I want the opportunity to make a difference for myself & use my brain, it was quite a good one a few years ago before I fried it, but I think I could get it back into shape, if I tried. But how can I do that with the big STOP! sign that hovers infront of my eyes?????? Every time I try to take a step forward it blocks my move. It's like a game of chess where the whole board is jammed full on pieces infront of me, waiting to take me away as soon as I try to take a step. I hate it. I need it to stop. NOW!!!!!!!